We Are Stars
by IwannabeaStarshipRanger21
Summary: A series of one shot's about Rey's relationship with Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo inspired by various songs. Rey/Kylo Ren, rating for implied/ possible future smut. Set after TLJ. Some may be pretty OOC.
1. Yes girl

I hadn't let him in since that fateful day on Crait. I couldn't. The things he'd offered me before I'd left…the way he'd looked at me. I couldn't handle thinking about it. I couldn't reconcile it with his actions, either past or subsequent.

It wasn't so much that he'd gone back to _them_ , or even that after fighting by my side, he'd desired only power and nothing more…but that I'd entertained notions that things could somehow work out the way I wanted.

The way I'd _envisioned.  
_

I felt ashamed. And not because I'd thought that I could somehow bring him back, that he could be Ben Solo again and not the shell of a man he had become, but because deep down I knew that I still thought I could.

I simply just could not help myself.

I however, had resolved myself to never act on this want again. I would not let him in, and I would not entertain childish notions about changing a boy – man – that I knew held no desire to be changed.

 _Did I know that?_

However I tried to hold true to this conviction during the day though, my subconscious seemed to overtly contradict it in the night.

Alone in my small quarters aboard the falcon in the dead of the night I always seemed to dream of him. Sometimes my dreams were violent, and filled with terrors and torture that I woke from frantic and covered in cold sweat. Once I'd even made such a commotion that Finn had rushed down the hall to shake me from my sleep, concern etched all over his broad features.

Sometimes my dreams were just flash backs to our conversations on Arch-to.

But occasionally, my dreams contained visions that made my whole body flush when I tried – however futilely – not to think about them during the day.

They were always the most vivid. And sometimes I awoke swearing I could taste his breath, and his lingering, hungry kisses on my lips even though in truth we were probably galaxies away from each other.

I'd never touched a man – in the way couples or concubines did – once in my life. But in my dreams it was a different story entirely. And the way he always seemed to respond to me, the way his fingers would trail my spine or grab my hips, or lord – the noises – he would make, would always be my anchor, the thing that would convince me that none of it could be real. Because ecstasy the likes of that couldn't possibly exist.

It was awful, the way I seemed to crave those nights where I would envision us entwined like that. He was a killer. A monster. And I physically ached for him.

On a few occasions I'd felt him reaching through the bond. Trying to connect with me again, to say what however, I wouldn't know.

There were so many things I wanted to say to him. But I knew that opening up to him, in any sense, was just not a good idea.

I'd resolved myself to this that day on Crait.

Because before I'd left him on the _Supremacy_ , I'd truly, horrifyingly considered his offer. If only for the briefest of moments.

What he was offering was not what I wanted. I'd thought when he'd fought with me that I could somehow bring him back, that his act of killing Snoke could be a beginning, a way to bridge things between him and the Resistance and that maybe, just maybe, we could start over. In retrospect this notion was of course extremely naive and childish. He had murdered. He had betrayed.

And not only the galaxy, but his own family.

Taking his hand would've meant so many things. And I was glad I hadn't yielded, even though part of me had sincerely yearned to. All he wanted was power, control.

 _He wouldn't control me._

But as I drifted into a fretful sleep, I swear I could feel his hands fisting in my hair, his body curving to meet mine yet again, and I knew, in the darkest recesses of my mind that Ben Solo would always have some sort of perverse control over me.


	2. Innocent

**Author's Note:**

 **Hey Guys! So first up I just wanted to say a huge thanks to anyone who left me a review, that's so so nice and please feel free to keep them coming, even if it's just constructive** **criticism. Also, just because I didn't address this when I posted the first chapter of this Fic I thought I might as well now - I obviously do not own Star Wars or any of the songs I'm using for inspiration for this story. Also, I'm not completely versed on absolutely all things Star Wars, so if I mess up at some point with anything I'm totally not meaning to :3**

 **Please keep in mind as well, if this Fic is not updated on a regular basis it's because I've just started a new degree and I'm still trying to get my shit together.**

 **The song I listened to while writing this chapter was Innocent by Taylor Swift, and just Fyi the last chapter was inspired by Yes Girl by Bea Miller if you guys were wondering.**

 **Enjoy xoxoxo**

* * *

The tiles were cold as I sat bracing myself against the edge of the bathtub. Even through my many layers of garb the chill was intense.

I shivered.

A cold sweat had started to bead across my brow, my face heating. I swallowed.

If she could only see me now. The mighty Kylo Ren.

I felt as though I might heave again.

I had reached out many a time in the last few weeks across the bond I knew was still there, no matter what Snoke had claimed in his last moments. I could still feel her, when she let her guard down. Usually in the early hours of the morning.

But she did a damn good job at blocking me out the rest of the time.

I was starting to go mad over it. All I could see when I closed my eyes was her stupid face.

Her stupid, lovely face.

Its what had drove me to devour a rather large bottle of whiskey earlier this evening.

I'd bought a girl home too, but that had failed to go anywhere. As soon as things had started to get interesting I'd felt the bond stir, I'd heard – _felt_ – her sigh from somewhere across the galaxy and before I even had time to register what I was doing I was unceremoniously tossing the random woman out my chamber door.

Then I'd had to run to the refresher because all of a sudden the liquor wasn't making me feel quite so pleasant anymore.

I groaned as I thought – for the millionth time – about the briefest touch we had shared, and rolled back so I was laying on the hard, unforgiving floor.

The memory of our mere fingertips touching haunted my memories like nothing else. I'd had the most powerful vision of her in that moment, standing beside me, stunning – an image in white.

Sometimes I dreamt about what it might have been like for our lips to touch instead.

But that thought was futile, I knew. She had rejected me and my offer and in turn had made it perfectly clear how she felt about me.

I don't know what else I had been expecting, but in that moment upon The _Supremacy_ nothing else had mattered. Nothing but her. I'd entertained notions that maybe she'd felt the same way.

How naïve I had been.

Of course she wasn't going to abandon the entire resistance for someone she thought was a monstrosity, a walking plague upon the galaxy.

She had even called me as much. How could I have forgotten that?

But her eyes had been so hopeful as she'd whispered she'd help me; that it wasn't too late.

But it was too late. She asked too much of me. I was beyond redemption, I knew. If she only knew some of the thoughts I entertained. The things I'd done.

Killing my father, she had of course witnessed. But how could I have expected her to ever care about me if she knew, truly knew, of all the things I had done throughout my life to lead up to that moment?

Luke had seen it. The darkness. He had seen my destiny.

Thinking of him and my father made my throat tighten unpleasantly. It was so much harder to quash my regrets when I was alone like this, and bitterness shot through me.

I had never had regrets until I'd had that stupid god-damned vison.

Talking to Rey was enough to start making me question my actions, if only a little. At first I had only entertained our meetings out of sheer curiosity, but it had quickly turned into something else. Something I refused to name even now. But that vision, ever since that vision I'd had the most uncomfortable thoughts.

That maybe things could actually change. That maybe I _wanted_ to change, for her.

But the rage I experienced when I truly thought about what that would mean rivaled anything I'd ever felt before.

It was impossible. There was no going back from here.

She'd looked at me like maybe I was worth saving; like maybe I was capable of being saved. Like maybe I was still that little boy who craved the attention of his parents. But she was wrong, I was far from an innocent.


	3. Bloodstream

**A/N: Hey guys, so sorry again for taking forever in between uploads. I listened to Bloodstream by Stateless for inspiration for this one, which is one of my favourite songs of all time, if only because of The Vampire Diaries :3 Hope you enjoy the Reylo goodness, xoxo.**

* * *

He breathed out.

She held her breath.

His saber dropped to the ground with a definitive clap.

Her hair fell in waves down to her shoulders, strands sticking to her face from the intensity of their fight.

She still held her weapon, recently crafted, yet its green glow was now extinguished.

They stared at each other a moment longer before he took several long strides towards her. It was a matter of mere seconds before his lips crashed to hers.

It was her turn to drop her weapon now. She leaned into his touch, hands fisting through his hair.

His hands trailed up and down her sides and then settled on her hips as he pushed her up against the wall, pulling them flush together.

Their clothes began to become shed, and when her skin connected so frantically with his he swore she might actually bring about his end right there.

The time for fighting was most certainly over, at least for the time being. She sighed as his hands trailed over her breasts, and his lips travelled down her neck.

When he'd appeared in her quarters she'd immediately made a grab for her lightsaber, reacting purely on instinct. It'd been months since the force had connected them, and he was literally the leader of The First Order now. She should fear him.

But as he had defended against her initial attack she'd seen the look on his face; one of pure discontentment, of sorrow, almost of shame. He didn't want to fight her.

So he'd stopped. And he'd breathed her name. "Rey."

And that's all it had taken.

He lifted her up as if it was the most natural thing in the world, her legs wrapping around his hips as he led them over to her unkempt bed.

She struggled with his belt, but when she finally figured it out he shrugged his trousers off until they lay forgotten on the floor.

She hadn't even realised her pants must have come off at some point until his body was so intimately connected with hers that she could easily feel the evidence of his desire pressing against her.

He let out a breathy moan at the contact, and she used the opportunity to capture his bottom lip in between her teeth. It spurred him on like nothing else he'd ever experienced in his life, and he kissed her ferociously in response, pulling her underwear down her slender legs until she was completely exposed.

She gasped as he kissed her cheek and then started trailing kisses down her body, their bond showing her images of exactly what he was planning.

She couldn't breathe when he finally pressed a kiss against her _there,_ she only threaded her fingers through his hair once more, not able to get enough as his tongue did things to her she'd never even fantasised about someone doing.

Her body practically _hummed_. She grasped at his hair, tugging until he moaned against her.

She was intoxicated by him, she realised not for the first time. She'd thought in her ignorance that nothing would ever be as intense as the moment they'd touched hands, galaxies apart. She was wrong.

It was like he was a part of her; she could feel what he felt. But it was more than even that; she could feel him feeling what she felt.

She knew she should know better than to even entertain thoughts of something like this, let alone to be actually acting on her feelings. But once her entire world come crashing down, and he came back up to look at her face, she knew there was no going back.

"I'm in love with you." She said.

"I know." He replied. And although he didn't say it back, she could see it in his eyes. She could _feel_ it through their connection; he felt it too.

She almost laughed at the irony of it, but kissed him instead.


	4. Look After You

**A/N: Soooo this is super fluffy but I just wanted to do something cute. I listened to Look After You by The Fray for this one xoxoxo.**

* * *

Rey shifted in my arms again, waking me from my half-formed sleep. Her breaths came in a steady succession.

Sleep never seemed to evade her as it did me. It was better when she was here than when she wasn't though, on these nights where our bond connected us almost absentmindedly – as easy as breathing. It was like she slowed the world down somehow; she slowed my world down. _She shut my world down._

She pulled me closer, her brow furrowing. I tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear, and attempted to stop marveling at her.

I did that sometimes, not ever really in a conscious way. It sometimes just hit all in a wave, how lucky I was to have her in my life. She had become a constant in my life through this strange connection we shared, and I'd never truly had someone like that until her. On the nights, force willing, she appeared here in my chambers it was like coming home, or at least as much a home as I'd ever known.

When the nightmares inevitably came, she was always here to steady me now, to brush my tears away, like the force knew when I needed someone, when I needed _her_ , the most. And although I'd recoiled at the prospect of her seeing me so vulnerable at first, even gotten mad, I now found I wouldn't have it any other way. She had all of me, it seemed. Her light had taken up residence somewhere deep inside, and wouldn't let go.

"Ben," She breathed, opening her eyes just barely to stare at me. "Stop looking at me please and go to sleep."

I smiled a small, almost sheepish smile.

I went to apologize and then stopped myself. "I'm not really sorry." I admitted.

She groaned and rolled over, pulling one of my arms around her so that she could hold my hand close to her chest. I nestled up behind her, kissing her shoulder. She smelled like vanilla, and I inhaled absentmindedly.

I still couldn't sleep.

I felt as if I were on the precipice of something. It was like I'd forgotten something and as much as I tried to remember I couldn't.

When it finally occurred to me what it was I was 'forgetting', it hit me with the force of an X-Wing, leaving me breathless.

Rey must have heard my sharp intake of breath, for she turned to look up at me drowsily.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

I swallowed, looking down at her. I blinked. "Nothing, it's ok. Go back to sleep."

She frowned, but snuggled back into me nonetheless.

But I couldn't let it rest.

"Rey." I said, swallowing again, my nerves getting the better of me.

"Mmm?" she mumbled, sounding somewhat annoyed now.

"I, um…" How did one go about having this conversation? I was regretting not leaving it alone now; waiting for a more appropriate time.

I had her full attention now, and she propped herself up on one hand to look at me. Her eyes were something else, they always tripped me up, like I was some nervous teenager.

"Ben, I swear, if you don't have a good reason for interrupting my sleep _for the third time_ _tonight-_ "

"I love you." I blurted.

Well, that wasn't as eloquent as I would've liked.


	5. Eyes On Fire

**A/N: So this one was more or less inspired by Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation, but not really by the lyrics or anything I just really liked listening to that while writing this.**

* * *

It was like the world was moving in slow motion as he stared at me, his gaze almost predatory.

The ballroom was empty, long abandoned by the party guests who had been present earlier this evening to celebrate General Organa's birthday.

I had come back to see if there were any of those amazing pastries from earlier as I hadn't wanted to stuff myself too much as I was talking with the various people I had been introduced to throughout the evening.

I had stopped dead, like a frightened animal when I had noticed him.

But I had yet to move. It was like I was stuck here, my feet unwilling to let me flee.

I swallowed hard.

His gaze roamed over me, no doubt, I realized for the first time, taking in the absurd sight of my floor length red evening dress.

I hadn't realized how close we were until I was looking up into his stare instead of from across the room. I didn't know which of us had moved. Time was abstract.

His gaze landed on my lips, and lingered there briefly before his eyes met mine once more, searching – for what, I didn't know.

"Ben, I-" but he touched his finger to my lips.

His touch, however feather light, made my stomach dip.

"My name is not Ben." He said, but without conviction.

I bit into my bottom lip and his gaze followed the movement.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I saw a vision of what he planned to do through the bond. My breath caught in my throat.

I'd never kissed anyone before. In fact, if I was being honest I'd never even given the idea much thought until recently. Until him.

The ghost of a smirk played at the corner of his lips. And I realized in horror that he had a sense of what I was thinking, just as I did him.

 _He is the enemy._ My mind protested.

That's right, and I should be afraid of him, I thought. And I was, but not for the reasons I should be.

As he leaned in slowly – so slow – I repeated this notion as a mantra hoping I didn't act on my wants.

 _Enemy._

 _Enemy._

 _Enemy._

But then my lips met his and it was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

His hands immediately wove through my hair, bringing me almost painfully closer. My own actions were equally as desperate, and I found myself wishing for more contact almost immediately, as this was more than I could have ever hoped to experience but not enough at the same time, like I was starved.

Nothing about it was gentle, but it was so perfect.

I gasped as he hoisted me up, my legs winding around his waist as I tried to compose myself.

However, I found that this was impossible as my back was swiftly pinned to the nearest wall, and all there was was him.

His scent, his lips, his hands. He let out anguished noise as my hips shifted.

When he broke away from me, his breath was rugged along with mine. His eyes were on _fire_ , and he swallowed, looking at me with a hint of what I realized was fear.

He was just as afraid of what had just happened as I was.

He set me down, but slowly, his eyes still burning into mine.

I was about to speak when Finn burst into the ballroom. "Rey!" he bellowed. My head snapped immediately towards the sound. "There you are we were wondering where you got off to."

When I glanced back just as suddenly Kylo was gone, in his place a distinct absence of him.

The memory of his gaze would haunt my dreams for weeks after this.


End file.
